Yes, this article is about being literate about your clitoris.
Yesterday afternoon the five of us at Whole and Holistic spent a beautiful summer afternoon together catching up after completing our board exams and celebrating Sarah’s birthday - YAY! Over champagne and our favorite snacks, the subject of men came up - as often happens when a group of women get together for a drink.
The all too familiar dilemma of why good men so hard to find these days was the underlying theme. Specifically we wonder why dating today is so fruitless and frustrating despite all the apps, sites and various resources available to us - all which claim to ease the steps of dating and finding a decent partner.
Don’t get me wrong, two of our girls, and we know of many more have found partners that are absolute stunners! (They make us delicious guacamole for our girls night, and treat us to freshly harvested honey - and that’s just the tip of the iceberg of their awesomeness!)
But for those of us who are single, we wonder specifically why it appears that so many men in the dating field lack ambition, maturity and more importantly respect for women? It bothers me to think how often this theme has been repeating itself over the past few years leaving women more and more discouraged.
Is the situation really this dire?
When women complain that marriageable partners (sober, steady good providers) are harder to find than ever, they may well be right. The marriage rate is falling steadily.
Last night I learned about a new book by Mark Regnerus ‘Cheap Sex’ The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy. Essentially Mark argues that the introduction of internet dating, porn and Tinder has rendered many men utterly useless. days gone by when there was often a negotiation for sex. There was an implied price.
An educated woman would expect a man to be able to at a minimum hold a conversation, buy a coffee, have dinner, have qualifications for a job, have a job? None of which bares much weight any more, or so it seems.
Today, men pick up their smart phones and with a few swipes line up sex with willing partners within their geographically convenient range without so much as a conversation let alone coffee or dinner.
This is why we are so excited to introduce you to the world of ‘Cliteracy’!
First of course we should start with the definition and for that we will provide a quote from the inventor of the word Sophia Wallace: "I wanted to talk about female genitals in a way that I felt wasn't really being talked about. For me, this word 'cliteracy' perfectly ... encapsulates so much so quickly and so simply. It illuminates this idea of total illiteracy and incompetence when it comes to the female body. It's appalling and shocking to think that scientifically, the clitoris was only discovered in 1998, ...But really, it may as well have never been discovered at all because there's still such ignorance when it comes to the female body.” (learn more about Sophia Wallace’s cliteracy project here: https://vimeo.com/59497570 )
At whole and holistic we will address three components of Cliteracy, much of Sophia's focus which is on empowering and inspiring women and men to become more intimately aware and educated about their own bodies. The goal is to give women the knowledge, confidence, and tools so they can effectively communicate with their partners about what they want, when, why, and how. (We will write about becoming familiar with your own clitoris in a future post :).
But at the crux of this dating dilemma is that we have to start with ourselves first. We must genuinely know what we want so we aren’t easily swayed, pressured, or manipulated by this strange beast society has made of dating. Knowing yourself, trusting yourself, and negotiating for what you want is key to aligning you with a partner who will respect, and care for you the way you need to be.
Ladies and gentlemen, we can do better - we can be better.
It may take a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a man. "Good husband material doesn't occur naturally, but is instead the product (in part) of socialization, development, and social control," Mr. Regnerus writes. "[I]n the domain of sex and relationships men will act as nobly as women collectively demand."
Time to get our act together, ladies. If we don't, they won't either.
This article introduces you to the idea of how cliteracy can be used in context of our lives, but there is much more depth in this conversation, so stay tuned!
In the meantime, learn more about the Sophia's Cliteracy movement here:
Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash